


Guess who's coming to dinner

by boldlygowherenodoghasgonebefore



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, Parents, Pre-OT3, crimson shadow, post-war cardassia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 02:48:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14802912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boldlygowherenodoghasgonebefore/pseuds/boldlygowherenodoghasgonebefore
Summary: Julian visits Garak and Parmak on post-war Cardassia. Beverly Crusher has relationship advice for Julian.





	Guess who's coming to dinner

**Author's Note:**

> These events take place in the world of The Crimson Shadow.

Beverly Crusher strolled the streets of Cardassia with Julian Bashir.

She and her husband Jean-Luc Picard were dining at the residence of Elim Garak, ambassador to the federation, and his partner Dr. Kelas Parmak.

The food was delicious, but Crusher’s eyes began to glaze over as Picard and Garak droned on about the federation withdrawal. The politics were interesting, but after an hour of hashing and rehashing the minutia of the agreement, she was ready for a break and some fresh air.

“Julian,” she asked, “would you like to take a walk?   I need to stretch my legs, and neither of us have had much opportunity to explore post-war Cardassia.”

He’d readily agreed. Crusher’s years as a federation doctor would make her an interesting companion, and he too was getting stiff from sitting and bored listening to even Parmak’s perspective on Cardassian politics.

They walked companionably, talking about their careers, the latest advances in their respective specialties, his experience with post-war relief efforts. Beverly regaled him with stories of adventures on the Enterprise, and Julian was happy of a new audience for his experiences with pre-war Cardassian politics, his time in the Dominion prison camp, and his time on the front lines, including the several months he spent trying to cure the Jem’Hadar of their dependence on the white.

After a time, they ran out of shop talk and moved on to family. Julian skirted questions about his parents; he had no wish to discuss them. Beverly clearly had no desire to talk of Jack or even Picard.

Instead, she talked animatedly about Wesley.  

Julian was intrigued. The pride in her voice was evident, and it was justified. Wesley was gifted, even brilliant. Acting ensign on a starship when he was fifteen, chosen for Nova Squadron at the academy, credited with numerous saves and heroic acts aboard the Enterprise.   Data and Commander LaForge appeared to treat him as a colleague, though perhaps an unseasoned one.

She didn’t talk of any of those things, though. She spoke of Wesley’s early years aboard the Enterprise, his difficulty in navigating social situations, the challenges of being raised on a starship, without the benefit of interacting with his peers. His resilience in failing the exam for Starfleet academy on the first try, the staggering weight of causing the death of another cadet, his struggles as he repeated his year at the academy. How much she missed him when he left with the traveler, and how proud she was to see him as an officer years later.

Julian’s thoughts were swirling, and he chanced a look at Crusher’s open face.

“Doctor-“

“Beverly, please, Julian,” she said warmly, “I’m not so much older than you.”

He opened his mouth to contradict her, then realized this was one of those situations where it was best to keep his thoughts to himself.

“Did you ever wish you could wave a wand and erase the challenges?   Spare him the social challenges, the mistakes, the regrets? Instead just have a son whose social skills and judgment matched his brilliance?”

Beverly looked thoughtful.

“Why would I? I’ve loved him every day of his life. The struggles make him who he is. Much more so than the brilliance. And I’m damned proud of who he is.”

She paused to let that sink in. Julian didn’t even know how to process her words. It was so different from the household he’d been raised in.

Beverly hesitated, and then decided to say what she was thinking.

“I know about your parents. What they did to you. I know they were trying to help, but for what it’s worth, there was nothing to fix. Far from it.”

Julian clung to her words, wondering if there was any truth to them. It was suddenly hard to breathe.   He wondered how long he’d waited to hear those words from someone.

He found himself telling her stories he’d shared with no one but Garak. About 4-year old Julian and his toys, stories, things he’d devised to amuse himself. His struggles at school and the certainty that he was a failure almost from birth. The procedures and pain he’d endured for years, and his helplessness, shame, and isolation.

Beverly held his eyes throughout, nodding softly with understanding and compassion. When he spoke of Kukalaka, she smiled. Everyone knew about that, of course, but it was adorable to watch his face light up at the mention of the bear.

As they walked in agreeable silence, she watched his face relax into a smile. They spent a few minutes enjoying the sun and the fresh air.

“As long as we’re asking personal questions,” Beverly said casually, “how long have you and Garak been involved?”

Julian froze and said quickly, “Involved? I’m not sure what you mean. Garak is an old friend. I’ve enjoyed visiting with him. His partner is quite a cook.”

Beverly waited patiently until he looked up and met her eyes.

She spoke quietly, “I’m not judging. But it’s obvious to me that Garak is much more than an old friend. Or at least he was.”

Julian shifted uncomfortably. Dr. Crusher – Beverly – seemed to have a knack for stripping him of his usual defenses. It had been so long since he’d dropped them with his own parents that it was disconcerting to feel her soft, steady gaze on him.

They walked on, drinking in the sights, Beverly chatting and pointing out the flowers, the landmarks, and the remnants of pre-war Cardassia, and eventually they fell into a companionable silence.

After what seemed like hours, Julian finally spoke.

“We were involved.   A long time ago, on deep space nine. We were friends, close friends, and it turned into more almost so gradually we barely noticed. He was the most important person in my life.”

Beverly held his gaze for a moment, seeing the pain in his eyes, and they walked on.

“When Cardassia was destroyed by the dominion, he simply fell apart. It was terrifying; the depression continued for months, and I thought he might die from the pain. So when he had the opportunity to return home, rebuild, take a role in healing his people-“

His voice broke and he continued with effort.

“I should have gone with him. He needed me. I always thought the federation would wash its hands of me, that deep space nine would be my final assignment. My own exile. The idea of starting a new life on Cardassia was almost appealing. The real frontier. Instead of rushing in to save anyone, I could work alongside the survivors to build a home for myself, a family, all with Garak.”

They stopped walking, and shame was etched in his face as he turned to faced Beverly.  She didn’t look away.

“What happened?” she asked gently.

“What always happens. My pride won out in the end. I wasn’t ready to assimilate into a new culture. To start a life that combined our two cultures on ds9? Sure.   That was a challenge, something to admire. A way of creating a life on the only place we were welcome, with our friends.   But giving up my culture, my identity, to become a small piece of the new Cardassia? It felt like I’d be losing myself.”

Julian began walking again, and they strolled into a small garden. It was a little rough around the edges, but obviously maintained with love and devotion. Someone cared a great deal about this land.

“Starfleet medical offered me a position working to coordinate the relief efforts after the war. It was a promotion, a job of some distinction, and I was dizzy with the prospect that the Starfleet hadn’t abandoned me. Or at least valued my skills enough to overlook who I was underneath.”

He paused as they sat in the garden, inhaling the scents. There was something deeply calming about this place.

“I took the job. At the time, I told Garak my people needed me.   That I was a starfleet officer and had to go where I was sent. He went along with it, said all the right things.   But I knew he saw the truth. That my desire to lead the relief efforts was a selfish one. I needed to be important, to assuage my own insecurities, to assert my own identity at the price of his lifelong dream.  I couldn’t put aside my own needs to be there for him the way he’d been for me.   My friends could never understand what I saw in him. I know they thought I was too good for him. But he was the better man. And I let him go.”

Beverly nodded in understanding.   His hand was trembling, and she covered it gently with hers.

“Was that the last time you saw him?”

He looked down and nodded, blinking away tears.

“We wrote letters and continued our friendship.   And despite everything, he is still one of the most important parts of my life. He’s forgiven me; I think he truly believes there’s nothing to forgive. Coming to the planet, seeing what he’s built, knowing what it cost him? Who would have thought he’d make such a fine ambassador?  Well, I did, I suppose, he was always a good man. I’m so proud my heart could burst.”

He paused.

“I still love him. Enough, ironically, to move here, settle down and put his needs first. Did I tell you I took a 6-month sabbatical? I suppose I thought coming here would fix everything. I missed him.”

He almost laughed at the irony of it.

“But he’s moved on. Of course he did. Kelas is lovely.”

They sat in the garden for almost an hour, drinking in the sights and the scents. It was peaceful and quiet, and neither of them were in any hurry to return..

How long had it been since he'd been in such quiet?   The garden outside Garak's residence was lovely, but it was a working space. Garak was constantly buzzing in and out to tend to it or harvest some vegetables, and he loved to play tour guide with Julian, describing every bit of the space that he loved. Garak went into such detail that even Julian, with his enhanced memory and voracious thirst for knowledge, had to work to stay awake and attentive.

Seeing Julian’s relaxed demeanor, Beverly finally broke the long silence.

“You’re wrong, you know.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re wrong. Garak still has feelings for you. He loves Parmak; it’s obvious they’re happy together. But the way Garak looks at you? He still loves you. He wants you here, and not as a friend.”

Julian tried to keep his hopes at bay. Garak seemed unusually happy in his presence, but he'd assumed it was simple politeness, and perhaps a bit of nostalgia for their time on the station. Old friends and fond memories.

“Even if he does, Kelas-“

“Kelas sees it too. More clearly, I’d say, than either of you. There’s no jealousy, no insecurity there. He loves Garak. I doubt Kelas would deny him anything that made him truly happy. Kelas likes you too. I’ve seen the way he smiles in your company, the way he touches your arm when you’re deep in conversation, how he leans against you when he’s most relaxed.”

Julian didn’t quite know what to say. If someone had told him he’d be having this conversation when he awoke this morning, he might’ve just chosen to spend the day in bed.

Beverly saw his discomfort but didn’t look away.

“An old friend knew Kelas in medical school. I don’t think they were close, but they lived in the same dormitory for several years. Well, years later, we discussed it when Garak took on his current post. Kelas never enjoyed the limelight, but his association with the former obsidian order agent was front-page news for some time.”

Julian was curious; at least they’d left the topic of _his_ love life for the moment.

“Kelas was involved with several people over the course of medical school, many at the same time. He kept it under the radar, of course; it wasn’t very Cardassian, but it was a constant. At first my friend thought it was just the experimentation of youth. But for their last two years, Kelas maintained a serious relationship with two of men simultaneously.   The three navigated their relationship gracefully. My friend could never understand it; Kelas never seemed jealous. Nor did the others. It was just an unusual arrangement.”

Was this going where he thought it was?   Julian had considered it, was a bit ashamed to admit he’d enjoyed a few fantasies during his visit.   But he’d never given it serious thought. It was absurd. Wishful thinking. He no longer deserved Garak’s love, and truly, what would a man like Kelas Parmak see in him?

Beverly watched him duck his head and almost smiled. Sometimes you never stopped being a parent.

“I suspect Kelas would be perfectly happy to entertain a similar arrangement with you. It’s obvious to anyone – except perhaps my husband, who is clueless in this area – that there’s still something between you and Garak. Garak’s happiness seems to be something Kelas treasures. And if I’m not mistaken, Kelas is quite taken with you. At my age, you tend to notice the subtle signs of courtship.”

Beverly looked away, pretending to be engrossed in the beauty of the garden, and asked casually, “What do you think of the idea? Do you find it appealing?”

Julian’s face was as red as the flowers. He couldn’t believe she’d asked him that.

He rested his head on his hands, tried and failed to compose himself, and said, so softly it was barely audible, “Yes.”

Mortified, Julian found the courage to look up. He was astonished to find her gaze absent of revulsion.   Instead, she simply looked curious.

“Why haven’t you pursued it?”

A dozen answers flashed through his mind, but he settled on the simplest.

“I don't deserve a second chance.”

“My son didn't deserve to lose his father. You didn't deserve the parents you had. Even Garak didn't deserve his exile. Since when do we get what we deserve from life?”

Julian looked thoughtful. She’d been around long enough to know when to stop pushing; he'd need time to consider the idea.

They walked back to the house, moving on to lighter topics. Julian had opened up about the relief work he'd been doing and his excitement shone through.

When they reached the house, Picard and Garak were talking animatedly about the joint Cardassian/federation initiatives on education. Picard seemed delighted to hear that many Cardassian teenagers had attended integrated schools since the early grades.

Beverly put a hand on his arm and gave him a meaningful look.

Speaking to Garak, she said, “We've intruded on your time enough. You must be exhausted, and I'm sure you want to enjoy some quality time with your old friend.”

She gave Julian a meaningful look and he blushed beet red. Garak looked at him curiously.

“Thank you for a lovely evening, Captain, Doctor,” he said, shaking hands as they left.

Pausing at the door, Beverly said, “Julian, I enjoyed our walk. Would you like to come to the Enterprise for lunch sometime to continue our conversation?”

A genuine smile broke through.

“I'd love to.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
